I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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