I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
