the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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