Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
