i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
