I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
