I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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