she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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