Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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