so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
