She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
