Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
