Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
