dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
