This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
