nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize