Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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