I'm going to jail i love you
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
