Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
