i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
