Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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