is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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