i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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