my mouth tastes like poor choices
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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