fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
