im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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