Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
