No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize