Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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