I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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