So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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