i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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