i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
