just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
