Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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