Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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