I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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