Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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