Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
