so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize