does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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