now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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