the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i barfeds in our rink
its not stalking. its research.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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