He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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