the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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