Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
