Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
