the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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