I will die if light touches me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
