That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
