It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
