dude i'm inner monologue high
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
