I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
