why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm both gender and math confused
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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