My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
