i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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