he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize