i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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