I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
