yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He told me they were just razor bumps!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
