we have pet lesbian snakes
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize