Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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