i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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