bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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