and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We're too hungover to prance.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
