Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize