the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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