you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
