the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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