It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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