I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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