I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
