he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
